I’ve heard the saying “I don’t have any babies anymore” … I’ve probably even said it myself. I don’t think that’s true. As I dropped off my son this morning at school, it resonated without question from both my heart and gut, he will always be my baby.
A year from this moment many things will be different. He will be in middle school (which one we do not yet know), traveling to school and home by himself… perhaps even to baseball and likely friends’ houses. He’ll be making more decisions, he will be closer to having a love-interest (right now he’ll tell you Kate Upton is his girlfriend) and growing more independent every day.
This morning was rushed–it usually is when I am taking him in to school–I am not a morning person and can get easily harried about things when I’m tired. There were discussions about needing to clean rooms and last minute scheduling snafus about who is going where…never fun, especially when we are almost out the door (and kind of running late). But then my son and I got on the train and in the crowded car, he still sometimes grasps my hand–I don’t know for sure if he does it for him or me–we smile and make chit-chat. When we get off at our stop he stands on the platform and holds my hand as I step off from the train to his side (just as he’s seen my husband do for me), and we walk up the stairs to the street–me and my-almost-man, not-quite-child, but always-my-baby.
We finally get outside his school and he’s ready to say goodbye. This process is new, as of this school year, but it’s still so hard to get used to. He wants to say goodbye outside… He wants to go in alone. I get a little hug, sometimes a kiss and then he’s off. But this morning was different, I said goodbye outside the school gates like always but I wasn’t ready to go… I watched his cowlick bounce up and down as he walked away from me and when he got into the threshold–about 20 feet away from me–I was about to call his name and ask him “do you want me to come with you this time?” just when he turned back around to face me and give me a smile. That was all I needed. And then I went off on the rest of my day.
My Dad used to say today is a gift that’s why we call it the present. For me, I think it’s because of days with moments like these.