Not everyone is going to like you. *They* say that’s true. That’s the lesson we learn in early childhood at the sandbox, on the playground, when the birthday party invitations come (or don’t).
You can’t please everyone.
Same idea, different packaging when justifying life choices to family, maybe satisfying coworkers or bosses, how you dress, who you love, where you live… those decisions will not always get the approval of everyone all the time.
My daughter was almost two when I became pregnant with my son. She was curious and fiery, sassy and sharp, creative and snuggly, and (although I may be biased) strikingly beautiful with her fair porcelain complexion that could sprinkle with freckles in even a drop of sunlight, red curls framing her face and hazel blue eyes.
All of these things were glorious. But my very favorite thing about my daughter is her kindness and her compassion (now I’m not saying all day, everyday–she is still human–and her brother may dispute this claim, but when it happens it is truly spectacular).
When my son arrived, it was earlier than expected, almost six weeks in fact. So my then-husband and I were in a bit of a scramble the morning I went into labor. We had not planned for his arrival this early… What to do with the baby (our daughter, in this case), so I was off to the hospital solo. And as I left the apartment, I could hear her crying “mama” as I entered the elevator.
One year, I think it was when I turned five, I remember waking up and running to the easel standing in my bedroom and drawing a flower with crayons. Armed with the certainty that because I went to sleep a four-year-old and woke up a much savvier five, I would craft a more perfect, more precise flower. That drawing, framed and dated, would hang in my mothers’ hallway for years.
So now, on the cusp of 40, I am not going to wait until the morning of my birthday to feel older and wiser. I am in a reflective mood and decided to start to ponder what I have learned over the last four decades, and I chose (appropriately) 40 things. I wasn’t totally sure I could come up with that many things worthy of note–perhaps not all are to everyone–but they have special meaning to me.
So, for those who care to partake, the 40 most meaningful things I’ve learned in the last 40 years. Â Maybe I’ll come up with a completely different set by 50.
I rarely engage in Facebook chain mail. You know exactly what I’m talking about: Like this or Share that; Post what color your whatever are; Tell your friends about your whosiwhatsit and tag the eighty people in your wedding party to do the same… No thanks. But recently I saw friends posting about the Gratitude Challenge.
A Gratitude Challenge? Gratitude lists? I love making gratitude lists. I love reading gratitude lists. I even do them on this blog… Holy s#%@! This is Faceplace chain-crap I could get into, even read without cynicism, sarcasm possibly even passive eye-rolling? I’m really not this sour, but I do feel like the weight of empowerment messages gets diluted when you see one every five seconds and it’s totally tainted when used or misdirected for unsavory purposes. That happens A LOT on social media.
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This is the longest spate I’ve not posted on my blog. It’s so funny, the reason I usually stop writing is not lack of ideas or things to say, but too much to say. It becomes overwhelming and I don’t know where to start. Much has happened already this year, some I have shared and some I don’t, well, know where to start… Some seems almost moot now. I sent my kids to camp: baseball, theater and technology (yes, technology). We were all pretty busy, so no vacations were planned although we did go on a few day trips: Coney Island, the Ripley’s Museum and Madame Tussaud’s.
But the crux of my summer boils down into better understanding three primary themes: Forgiveness, Authenticity and Faith.
Once again this month has been very busy, leaving me little time to myself, making it hard to find a moment to write. That is until this past holiday weekend when I was sans husband or children in our house—a house, I might add, I had NEVER once spent a night alone in six years we lived there. Check the box on that bucket list now…
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A little over a week ago my family and I returned from a family trip to the Caribbean. These kinds of trips are always incredibly special to me. I have memories of spring vacations from when I was growing up so nostalgia is part of it, but it’s also been a while since the four of us have been able to go away together. So this trip felt special in a few ways–almost like a victory for our family.
I ran into an old friend on the subway the other day. He and his partner have a two-year-old little girl, and we started talking about the different types of parenting challenges we face at different stages. As we continued to chat from 96th Street to Times Square, we both agreed how much easier life would have been if only someone had clued us in to a few things before high school.
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It’s already Valentines Day, and as I pondered what to get my husband I wanted to consider some of the subtle nuances of our union…while still being playful and fun. We’re in our seventh year of marriage, and I’m not superstitious (ok, I’m not THAT superstitious) but best to be proactive. I was thinking a good idea might be to consider ideas that would scratch each others itch, so to speak… and heck, it would totally be a gift for the two of us if I did it right. I am a bit tardy posting this, so I can tell you I did in fact get him one of the items here–I won’t say which, that’s a bit intimate–but in case you’re in need of some last-minute ideas, a few of these are DIY friendly and pretty fast(ish).
Happy Valentines day. Xo
The Gifting Whisperer 