I’ve never been a fan of round numbers. They feel too perfect, almost fake. And even though last year was a perfectly round number of a birthday, it came after a less-than-perfect year.
I’ve come to believe all things balance out if you give it enough time, nothing stays the same and I’ve come to a place where I don’t want it to. I look forward to change–not for the sake of stirring sh-t up–but to progress and become better, get to the next iteration.
It’s hard to believe that October is already here. I find the rest of the year always goes so fast after Halloween. This past year I decided to forgo many of the usual get-togethers and celebrations I have held in the past to focus on more personal matters.
I have posted less, trying to focus on quality not quantity; what has been happening in my life has had a lasting and permanent impact on my life, so that influenced my writing and point-of-view, prompting me to adjust the look, feel of my site a few months ago and resolve to a new site mantra: today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present.
So the in honor of Mental Health Awareness Week—a cause near and dear to me—I have added a new page, an Awareness Calendar, listing all (or many) of the days, weeks and months dedicated to social advocacy and social responsibly for a variety of causes. This lives in a new section called Resources where Anniversaries, Birthstones and annual Holidays still reside and new ones may surface (stay tuned).
Not everyone is going to like you. *They* say that’s true. That’s the lesson we learn in early childhood at the sandbox, on the playground, when the birthday party invitations come (or don’t).
You can’t please everyone.
Same idea, different packaging when justifying life choices to family, maybe satisfying coworkers or bosses, how you dress, who you love, where you live… those decisions will not always get the approval of everyone all the time.
My daughter was almost two when I became pregnant with my son. She was curious and fiery, sassy and sharp, creative and snuggly, and (although I may be biased) strikingly beautiful with her fair porcelain complexion that could sprinkle with freckles in even a drop of sunlight, red curls framing her face and hazel blue eyes.
All of these things were glorious. But my very favorite thing about my daughter is her kindness and her compassion (now I’m not saying all day, everyday–she is still human–and her brother may dispute this claim, but when it happens it is truly spectacular).
When my son arrived, it was earlier than expected, almost six weeks in fact. So my then-husband and I were in a bit of a scramble the morning I went into labor. We had not planned for his arrival this early… What to do with the baby (our daughter, in this case), so I was off to the hospital solo. And as I left the apartment, I could hear her crying “mama” as I entered the elevator.
One year, I think it was when I turned five, I remember waking up and running to the easel standing in my bedroom and drawing a flower with crayons. Armed with the certainty that because I went to sleep a four-year-old and woke up a much savvier five, I would craft a more perfect, more precise flower. That drawing, framed and dated, would hang in my mothers’ hallway for years.
So now, on the cusp of 40, I am not going to wait until the morning of my birthday to feel older and wiser. I am in a reflective mood and decided to start to ponder what I have learned over the last four decades, and I chose (appropriately) 40 things. I wasn’t totally sure I could come up with that many things worthy of note–perhaps not all are to everyone–but they have special meaning to me.
So, for those who care to partake, the 40 most meaningful things I’ve learned in the last 40 years. Maybe I’ll come up with a completely different set by 50.
It’s hard to string words together.
I feel like I’m experiencing some form of creative atrophy.
Like the words can’t come to my fingertips.
Like if I simply don’t type them, perhaps it’s not real.
Ok, here’s what’s real.
In exactly 250 days I will turn 40 years old.
I didn’t expect the idea of 40 to feel different than, say 38 or 39 (and perhaps it won’t when it finally gets here) but right now the idea of a new decade seems substantial in a way the others didn’t. Here’s what I mean: I built my thirties around the idea of wanting more–more recreational time and friends (why couldn’t I aspire to “have it all”?), maybe more babies (upon further consideration that was nixed), more career and money, more and more…
This is the longest spate I’ve not posted on my blog. It’s so funny, the reason I usually stop writing is not lack of ideas or things to say, but too much to say. It becomes overwhelming and I don’t know where to start. Much has happened already this year, some I have shared and some I don’t, well, know where to start… Some seems almost moot now. I sent my kids to camp: baseball, theater and technology (yes, technology). We were all pretty busy, so no vacations were planned although we did go on a few day trips: Coney Island, the Ripley’s Museum and Madame Tussaud’s.
But the crux of my summer boils down into better understanding three primary themes: Forgiveness, Authenticity and Faith.