On my 30th birthday I woke up and cried. Not because I was turning 30, but because I was entering a decade that my father would have no part of. He died when I was 22 and so he had seen a small part of my twenties. Entering my thirties meant starting a chapter that would be devoid of any semblance of his imprint.
I have another birthday coming this week.
I’m not ten so this isn’t monumental news, I’m not 22 either. I’m turning 38 this year. Not exactly a milestone but, for some reason, it feels like I am starting to wave goodbye to my 30s in a way that 37 just didn’t.
My Nanny was a major part of my life and shaped who I am. She saw me enter the last three decades, and will not see me enter the fourth. Perhaps this is the looming… Who knows?
So I’m browsing through my Facebook newsfeed, as I do every morning over my cup of caffeine, and I see this post from Huff Post Women called This is 38. I have to click on it for it’s coincidental irony if nothing else and instead of writing a reply in the comments, I remember I have my own blog and I decide to write this post instead.
For me, 38 is about righting wrongs swiftly and without expectation.
It’s having a few deeply meaningful, very special friendships with people who I know and who know me intimately… And that’s all I need.
I may have a good amount of “reference” to pull from in my almost four decades on earth, but as they say, look at the past, just don’t stare at it.
38 is wearing what I want, when I want, because I can. It’s knowing who I am, what I like and what I look good in.
The universe is a mystical and wonderful thing, because as fine lines start to form the vision starts to go ever so slightly and it’s barely noticeable to the naked eye.
38 means maybe having more memories than living relatives, but it also means teaching those traditions to your children so they live on.
It’s falling asleep every night next to your spouse, or tucking in your children, or both (and if so you’re doubly blessed) and saying “thank you” for having such love in your life so many contiguous days in a row–thinking about that, it’s pretty incredible, how many people want that, want only 50% of that and would be happy… Life is pretty awesome.
38 is a daily conflict of balancing work, marriage, baseball games, chorus performances, PTA meetings, homework help, girls night and finding time to hear your own thoughts. But that’s ok.
38 is trying yoga, running, swimming, Zumba, cleanses, spinning and then going back to yoga again. And with baby-making a distant memory, bikinis can come out again.
38 is living every moment understanding you are the youngest you will ever be and the oldest you have ever been.